The Alpha and His Song

Prologue            Nathan Conners was drunk. I was in Alpha Tucker’s territory. I’d slipped the warriors he’d had watching me at the last bar. They all watched me. Like I was a child. My wolf, Herb muttered, “They are watching us because our pups are worried.” That was true. Everyone around her would do anything to help Eric. Any of my sons actually. I was fiercely proud of them. It was the respect everyone had for them that drove me to this hole in the wall human establishment. Perfect for what I wanted. I raised my glass to the bartender. He came over and poured me another whiskey. He said, “Anything you want to talk about? Bartenders are the best therapists.” I snorted, “My daughter in law is a therapist. She’s the best.” Herb proudly agreed with me. The bartender smiled and said, “Well, she’s not here.” She would be. I could text her and Haley would be here in a heartbeat.             I said, “I lost my wife. She died in a car crash.” The bartender winced. He said, “I’m very sorry for your loss.” That’s what everyone said. I told him, “She was a difficult woman, but I loved her. We had some good times, and some damn hard times. We didn’t see eye to eye about our daughter in law. I didn’t always like her, but I loved Cassandra with all of me. She smelled like cherries and now I look for her every time I smell them; it’s never her anymore though.” The bartender said, “Love is not always easy.” I snorted, “No, it’s not.”             A sweet voice cut over to us, “Spoken like a true man.” She sat down next to me. I ignored her. She said, “I’m Morgana.” I said, “Nathan.” I studied her. She was beautiful. She had brown hair with hazel eyes and very full lips. She said, “I’m sorry to hear about your wife. Tell me about her.” I frowned. I felt like I could tell her. In fact, I wanted to tell her. I whispered, “What are you?” She winked at me, “Oh, tell me all your secrets Nathan Conners.” I showed her a picture. I said, “This is my Cassandra. My other half.” She was a supernatural. She’d know what I was saying. Morgana nodded. I said, “She made things difficult. More than they needed to be sometimes. The older we got she was very her way was the best way. We fought a lot about our daughter in law and our oldest son. She was everything when I met her though. We were young and wide eyed. She showed me love I’ve never known. My parents one hated me and the other was apathetic towards me. Cassandra loved me. She showed me how to love. She gave me the strength to be a good father. I was so worried when she was pregnant with Eric I’d fail him. I already loved him with everything in me, but I didn’t have a good example to look up to.”            Morgana just nodded and I kept drunkenly telling her everything. I admitted, “She stood by me through really hard times. We took our pack from an unrespected pack known to be a bully to a big prosperous pack. Our son Eric, a seer, told us he’d be powerful and important. He took our pack, grew it, and made big changes. He’s a great man. I’m proud of him. Looking back I realized the moment Cassandra changed. It wasn’t overnight of course, but that zest for life she had dulled when her aunt and uncle died. We were too late to save them, and she felt helpless. It’s like she vowed never to let that happen again. We made so many changes in the werewolf world, and people looked up to us. Our word became gold, but I didn’t realize she stopped listening to anyone’s counsel. Suddenly she knew best. We have amazing grandchildren. She didn’t treat them all the same. My precious granddaughter Cassie is eight years old, and my Cassandra died with her thinking she hates her. I know she doesn’t, but how do you explain that to an eight year old who can sense motivations?”             I paused and took a drink. I admitted, “Cassandra was a great mother though. We raised four amazing men. When there was a gap between us, we could look at those four boys. Our pride for them and the men they have become. The fathers…” Morgana put a hand on my hand. She said, “It sounds like you loved a difficult woman.” I laughed, “Yes, I did.” Morgana said, “Maybe you deserve better.” I pulled my hand away like she burned me. I said, “You don’t know me.” Morgana laughed, “Everyone knows of the great Alpha Nathan Conners.” I frowned, “Former Alpha. My sons are the Alpha’s now.” Morgana sighed, “I do like Alpha’s. Such strong men.” I frowned and looked at her. I said, “If you’re looking for an Alpha to bed, I’m not that guy.” She smiled, “Oh but you are. Alpha’s are strong. I like strong men. You make strong children.” I said, “We call them pups, and I’m not looking to have any more kids. Cassandra and I were…trying I guess. She wanted me to get my vasectomy reversed. We weren’t able to conceive this time around though.”             Morgana said, “Your daughter in law could have healed you.” I said, “She did heal me. Cassandra developed endometriosis. She didn’t want Haley to heal her. She said if the goddess wanted it to work out it would.” Morgana laughed, “So the rumors of Cassandra disliking the princess were true. How very short sighted of her.” I said, “Hey, don’t talk about her like that.” It was true, but she didn’t need to say it. Morgana chuckled, “I’ve been watching you for a week now.” I asked, “Why?” Morgana said, “I like you.” I told her, “Sorry.” Morgana asked, “Why?” I told her, “I don’t like you.” Morgana said, “I’m not so different from your mate. I’m more cunning though.” I snorted, “Sure you are.” We sat in silence and drank.             I told her, “I don’t know what you think is going to happen, but it’s not going to.” Morgana stood and said, “What I want often happens. I’ll see you later, Nathan Conners.” I rolled my eyes. I would never see that woman again. I raised a glass to the bartender. He came over and said, “She told us her drinks were on you.” I shrugged, “I don’t care.” I had the money. I was rich. My phone was ringing. It was Eric. I turned my phone off. I sighed and put my head on the bar.             The bartender said, “It’s none of my business, but she’s a maneater. I’d steer clear of her. She’s trouble.” I told him, “I have no intention of doing anything with her. I can’t imagine being with anyone but Cassandra. I’ve been with her since I was nineteen years old. It’s too soon to even think about that.” It would always be too soon. It cut me deep to even think about being with someone else. I drank more and then made my way outside. I hadn’t brought a car with me or Eric would’ve tracked it. I’m lucky my daughter in law is probably keeping Eric calm. She’d popped to me a few times to make sure I was ok. Eric must not have asked her to tonight because I hadn’t seen her.             I stumbled into the forest. I laid down and looked at the sky. I yelled, “Gardening Cassandra?! You left me over that damn garden. Woman, you couldn’t garden if your life depended on it and you know it.” I paused when nothing happened. I snorted, “Figures. You had to go off and leave me after all the work we did to stay together. Was it even for us at the end? Or was it our wolves, Cassandra? I don’t know why I even expect you to answer. I miss you. I miss waking up and smelling you. Your scent has faded on your things. It’s not the first thing I smell when I wake up anymore and I’m drowning. You were always the one there when I was drowning and now I’m alone. We were together for most of my life, and now you’re just gone. I turn to say something to you and there’s no one. Do you even know how integral you were in my life? Did you care? Gardening tools and supplies. That boy told me he offered to drive you home, but you said no. Why did you say no? Why did you leave me?”             A throat cleared. I sighed. Probably Tucker’s men. Then the scent of cherries hit me. I jumped, “Cassandra.” There she was. Herb purred in my head. I cried, “Cassandra. How…I…” She pulled me to her and whispered, “Shhh.” I cried into her neck. I said, “God, I’ve missed you.” I nibbled on her neck. She moaned. It didn’t sound right, but I didn’t care. She was here. I lost myself in her. I made love to her all night. I didn’t even care when the sun came up. I was afraid the moment my eyes closed. I fought it until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I vaguely heard, “I told you what I want always happens. Thank you Nathan Conners.” Cassandra was a force of nature, but she didn’t always get her way. Where had I heard that? Had someone said that to me tonight?             I woke up to a gentle voice, “Nathan.” I sat up. I looked around. I was still in a forest. I asked, “Cassandra?” Haley said, “No, it’s Haley.” I looked up. I asked, “Where did she go? She was here.” Haley frowned. She said, “Nathan, she passed away. In the car accident.” My eyes filled with tears. I said, “But…but she was here. I know she was. These are not the clothes I was wearing.” Haley said, “You must have shifted. You weren’t wearing clothes when I got here. I snapped you clean and into clean clothes.” I didn’t shift. I…did I? I said, “It was so real. She was here….I know it.” Haley said, “I didn’t see anyone else here when I got here. That doesn’t mean someone else wasn’t here.” She just didn’t think it was Cassandra. She couldn’t smell the faint scent of cherries like I could.             Haley said, “Can I take you home, dad?” I sighed, “What for?” Haley squeezed my shoulder. She said, “Because your sons and grandchildren f*****g miss you. So do you daughter in laws. All your things were moved back into your wing in the house. I can charm the place to smell like cherries if that will help you.” I smiled at her. I said, “Maybe just her pillow. I can’t sleep.” Haley gave me a hug. She said, “I can do that for you. I’m so sorry.” She chanted under breath , granting me the peace of the earth. She grabbed me and popped me back to my wing. Eric was waiting. His eyes were tight with worry.            Haley squeezed my hand and conjured my pillow. She spoke in Fealish again then handed me my pillow. The scent of cherries hit me again. Tears filled my eyes. I whispered, “Thank you Haley.” She smiled at me and popped to Eric. She kissed him on the cheek and said, “Be nice. He’s hurting.” Eric nodded and she popped away.             Eric sighed, “Dad….” I said, “I swear I was with her, Eric.” Eric frowned and asked, “What do you mean?” I said, “I was going to come home then…then I swear your mother was with me. I was with her, Eric. I was.” My dad shrugged, “Stranger things have happened in our lives. You were pretty drunk.” I nodded. Eric said, “Please don’t slip the warrior's watching you dad. I know you can, but we are worried. I can’t imagine your pain, and frankly I don’t want to. We still need to know where you are.” I told him, “I’m a grown man.” Eric gritted his teeth. He said, “A grown man who gets fall down drunk and several of my friends and yours have picked you up off the floor. You couldn’t fight off an attack off if you wanted to. We can’t lose you too, dad.”             I felt bad. I said, “You won’t lose me, Eric.” He looked at me with pain in his eyes. He said, “I can’t lose you too dad. Just let them follow you.” I sighed, “Alright.” Eric sat down and whispered, “Thank you.” I asked, “What’s wrong other than the obvious, Eric?” He cried, “I didn’t like her anymore, dad. I miss the mom she used to be. Not the woman she turned into after Haley. I’m not sad that woman is gone, and I feel like s**t about it.” I went and gave him a hug. I said, “Your mother was a difficult woman, Eric. She didn’t make anyone’s life easier these last eight years. She hurt your pups. Hell she hurt mine, and I struggle with that. I struggled with that while she was alive. I miss her, Eric. That doesn’t mean her actions while she was here don’t still hurt or sting. Hell, I don’t know how to forgive her for leaving me for that damn garden.” Eric snorted, “That really is some kind of bullshit. It really hurt Haley’s feelings which she’s trying to hide from me. She’s better at the bond than I am.” I told him, “You’ll get better. She’s taking care of you. I love her for it.”             Eric said, “Darrin wants to come sit with you dad.” I groaned, “I don’t need a babysitter.” Eric quickly informed me, “He’s not a babysitter. He’s really struggling, dad. I don’t know if you know, but Darrin gave mom the most chances. He didn’t let her around his kids as much because she hurt their feelings; however, he always made sure to spend time with her. They used to have lunch on Wednesdays. I think you should have that with him now. He looks lost when lunch rolls around.” I nodded. I needed to be their dad. No matter how old they were, they were still my pups. Eric yanked me into a hug. He said, “Stop disappearing on us old man. Haley respects you so she pushes back on always popping to you; however, we both know she’ll do it for me. Please don’t make me send my wife chasing after you every night because I will do that to make sure you’re safe. Even if you hate me for it.” I told him, “I could never hate you, Eric. Not ever. You are my son, and I love you.” Eric whispered, “Love you too dad.” I nodded and waited for Darrin to come. I hugged the pillow tightly to me. I said, “I miss you, Cassandra. I don’t know how you got us one last night together….but I miss you woman.” I did with every breath in me. I missed her. I was lonely without her.