Delightful Agony

Third Person's Point of View Life is hard to understand. There's really a time that you will feel happy and complete. But that moment will just remind you that every happiness will end up being sad. Doing the right thing for someone else means doing something that feels wrong to you but I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up. We cannot avoid making mistakes and that what makes us humans. We make mistakes because there is something we need to learn. Sadness exists. Mistakes happen. It is already a parcel of our life. It is human nature, but the good thing about making mistakes is that we get lessons from it. Through those learnings, we become a better person.  Kathrina Deveraux and Redxan Silhouette met unexpectedly. They tend to play each other's feelings actually. But instead, they fell in love so deeply. They didn't even notice that they will have a relationship like this. They didn't know that there's a relationship that started being odd to being madly in love. They've been together for almost three years and four months. They're really happy and contented with each other. They take their relationship seriously and unbreakable. They are actually the best-matured relationship that everyone knew. They have what every couple dreamed of. They are really perfectly destined for each other. But not all perfect fairy tale just ends up neither sad nor happy. Some perfect tale ends up between sadness and happiness. A happy tragic ending. __________________________________ " ... As I said before, I felt something na di naman dapat ako yung makaramdam nun, pero wala ee! naramdaman ko! Sorry to say pero... sawa na ako. " " Pero diba nung una ako lang yung gustong magpahinga? Tapos ikaw gusto mo pa? Bakit biglaan? Bakit biglang nabaliktad? Bakit biglang gusto mo na rin? Hindi ko alam pero, biglaan kasi. Hindi ko na alam ang mga nangyari. Ang bilis ee! Yan lang sana ang tanong ko! Mga tanong na gumugulo sa isipan ko, bakit ganun Red? Naguguluhan kasi ako sa biglaang pangyayari sa relasyong ito. Akala ko kasi pahinga lang yung hinihingi ko...  " Humihingi lang naman ako ng space. Pagod lang naman ako. Gusto ko lang magpahinga. Pero siguro hindi naman talaga niya gusto magpahinga, siguro may mahal na siyang iba. " That's the thing that I'm confused about. Bakit bigla ka na lang nagsawa? ee nung una nama ako lang yung gustong magpahinga tapos ikaw gusto mo pa. Pero bakit biglang gusto mo na rin? Saan ka nagsawa Red? Sa bunganga ko? Sa mga hinihingi ko sayong adjustment? Sa mga demand? Hindi ko maintindihan!! " " HIndi ko alam! Hindi ko alam! Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla ko na lang naramdaman yun at kung baki t bigla na lang yung nangyari!  " They said that the best things happen unexpectedly. I, therefore, conclude now that not everyone is true. Not everything is true nor fake. Instead, Life together with love is between good and bad. I just see this neither nor the two choices. " Hindi ko alam ang rason kung bakit ko naramdaman ito, ang alam ko lang, biglaan ko na lang yung naramdaman. " "  Palagay ko kasi talaga wala akong pagkukulang sayo kahit kunti. Lahat lahat ibinigay ko. Lahat lahat ginawa ko! I gave and done everything for you! What more do you want? " " Alam ko! Lahat lahat naman talaga ginawa mo para sa akin ee, alam ko yun! Kaya nga hindi ikaw ang may kasalanan dito, kung hindi ako! Kasalanan ko to Kathrina. And I'm sorry! " "  Maybe you just miss the old things you can do before? I mean maybe you just wanted to try something new. Aren't you? " " Hindi! Hindi yun sa ganun! " " I love you! I really do!  Pero ayokong bumalik ka sakin dahil naawa ka lang sakin! Nagpapakasaya ako sa harap nila at iyon ang nakikita mo kasi ayokong magmukang naghahabol! Ayoko kasing bumalik ka dahil naawa ka lang sakin. Gusto ko, bumalik ka dahil gusto mo dahil mahal moko. Wag mo sana ipamuka sakin, sa mga kaibigan mo o sa ibang tao na dika nababalik. Sarilihin mo na lang yun! Wag mo na lang ipamuka kasi ang nangyayari, parang ako yungnagiging talo ee. " Ramdam ko ang mga tubig na unti unting dumadaloy sa aking muka. Ginawa ko naman pero bakit kailangan ko pang maranasan to?  " I still want you. Pero ayokong kailnganin moko kasi kailngan kita. Someday. Please someday. Sana okay pa tayo. And I will wait for that moment. I will not expect it but I will wait for it, Red! I'll wait! " I added. " Just let ourselves be free Katia. Just make your own decision and I'll respect it. I'll make mine and please respect it too! Let just be true to ourselves. " Paliwanag niya pa. " Pero sana kht sawa ka na, hayaan mo namang mahalin kita! Kasi ako nung nagsawa ako 'di kita tinalikuran ee! Inintindi ko na lang sitwasyon mo! Inintindi na lang kita kasi mahal kita ee, pero bakit ikaw? Why you can't do the same? Sawa ka lang naman diba? Pero mahal mo pa ako. Baka nmn pwede pa mag work! We can fix this! Trust me! Let's start over again! Please! " I begged for a thousand times. " Sorry ayaw ko na talaga e! " Fuck those words! Nangako siya!  He promised to love me for better and for worst but why it seems that he just loves me when everything is convenient? " Sorry! Ayaw ko na talaga eh! Mas mahirap naman kung kakapit pa ako kahit ayaw ko na diba?" I'm starting to watch him slip through my hands. " You have done nothing wrong! I told you! It's not you're fault! It's mine! Don't blame yourself. Don't ask yourself what have you done because you've done so perfectly! You've done so well! " " Paano yung sa atin? Do we really remain as memories? Just a memory? Do we really need to throw it away? " Tanong ko. " No! Why will we throw that away? It's a memory and I'll treasure it forever. " Ansakit lang isipin, na mas pinili mo pang pahalagahan yung mga ala-ala natin kesa sa akin. Sana ako na lang itresure mo, Red! " Maybe everything happens because everyone has feelings. Maybe everything happened for a reason. Or maybe this happened because the only thing that is permanent in this world is change. People change. Feeling fades. But life must go on Kathrina! " He's right! No one stays. People will always leave. So don't get too attached. ___________________________________________ " Thanks because you came into my life. When you came he realized something. He figured something. He's fixing himself and trying to fix our relationship too. If not because of you, he will not come back. " " ... Thanks for the temporary happiness. " ___________________________________________ Their story will help us to understand that not every heartbreak our quite tragic. Some heartbreaks, like theirs, are difficult to identify. They've talk deeply as they realized each other's faults. And they've gathered around and talked about happy thoughts. Their story reminds us that some memories are maybe asleep. Dreaming about something else while temporarily forgetting the real one. But does that sleeping memories will going to be awake soon? Having the same memories they've made and collected? Will they still want to go back in the time when they don't have to worry about their hearts get broken? Is their relationship is really over even there's nothing wrong with it? Will they let go, not because they don't want each other but because they want to free themselves? Is this really the Epilogue of their story? Or will they make another chapter together? "I realized that it's not really a tragic heartbreak. Instead, it's a sacrifice. You may be found someone else, but at least we fulfilled our dreams. The only difference is not together, but with someone else's feather. Everything is going to be okay soon. And I will wait for that moment. I'm happy that we made this far. But maybe this is really how every happy heartbreak ends. Every book story has its last page. And maybe this is our last page. The last flip. The last obstacle. The last pain. The Delightful Agony."  -Kathrina "Katia" Deveraux